


the line between who you are and who i am

by pettytooru



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Getting Together, Introspection, Light Angst, Miya Atsumu Needs a Hug, Miya Atsumu-centric, Mutual Pining, Rule 63, Self-Doubt, atsumu just needs to open up, kiyoomi provides her with support and tells her to shut up when needed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:27:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29445555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettytooru/pseuds/pettytooru
Summary: Miya Atsumu was no stranger to heartbreak, and she had soon come to understand that this was nobody’s fault but her own.- songfic based on 'Pure Love' by Hayley Williams.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 37





	the line between who you are and who i am

**Author's Note:**

> me? writing _another _fem sakuatsu fic? YOU ALREADY KNOW IT . Lets do this !!!__
> 
> __As always, i'm here to announce my love for Hayley Williams, and highly suggest that you go listen to her song 'Pure Love' whilst reading! I based the story on the lyrics and I had a lot of fun writing it._ _
> 
> __I hope you enjoy, happy valentines! ☆_ _

━━━━━━♡♡♡━━━━━━

Miya Atsumu was no stranger to heartbreak. 

The brief, failed relationships of her high school years made sure of that - each of them ending with a one sided resentment that Atsumu didn’t know how to prevent. She knew she was difficult at times, Osamu had reminded her as much for as long as she could remember, but did that truly warrant the disgust coating her partners’ faces as they all (inevitably) ended things?

No. Maybe. _Probably._

Her on-court and in-school persona had been bred from insecurity; the hatred from her middle school teammates and their general lack of respect forcing her hand after years of rejection. All confident smiles and team-devotion, dying her hair a striking blonde when she first joined high school, Atsumu began to live for other people. 

It was only natural for her partners to leave when they realised what she was under all that bravado:

When they realised a part of her heart would always be reserved for her sport, putting it above all else (including her devotion, or lack-thereof, to high school romance). 

When they realised she wasn’t nearly as suave or enticing as she had come across when flirting with them in the hallways, her ugly laugh and tendency to ramble making itself known in private.

When they realised that the slightest embarrassment could release simmering anger from deep inside her heart; tiny inconveniences igniting full freak outs and almost child-like tantrums. 

When they saw the cracks in her composure, the harsh words she would throw around with her sister, and realised she was filled to the brim with _venom_.

Miya Atsumu was no stranger to heartbreak, and she had soon come to understand that this was nobody’s fault but her own. Just like she had at the start of high school, when going into professional volleyball she simply accepted that showing her true colours was not an option. Not if she expected people to stick around.

At the grand old age of twenty three, she found herself content in her lack of companionship. She was happy to act pleasant alongside her new teammates; the Black Jackals bursting with turbulent personalities that she squeezed into with relative ease. Their busy schedule left her without the time to pursue romance anyway, a fact that bundled her with security and relief.

This stability was shattered the moment a familiar face had strolled into MSBY tryouts. Sakusa Kiyoomi was fresh out of college, and within twenty minutes she had blown the team away with her flexible limbs and _disgusting_ serves.

(She was welcomed to the starting lineup with open arms, for obvious reasons.)

Not much more can be said than the fact that attraction was instant; the flirting coming easily and being surprisingly fun. _Addictive_ , even. 

Atsumu and Kiyoomi gravitated towards one another, simply picking up where they left off in high school. It was back to teasing jabs and petty competition; who could get the cleanest receive, who would get the first service ace in their next match. 

That was comfortable. That was familiar.

What wasn’t so familiar, however, was the way the glaring and the snark soon became tinged with something ... fonder. The way they would spend more and more time together outside of practice, movie nights and meals out becoming something of a weekly routine.

Kiyoomi asking her if she wanted to make things official, if she wanted to start dating properly rather than dancing around their unspoken feelings, _wasn’t familiar._

Sunday evenings had become their designated hang out nights, though that never stopped them from spending the whole weekend together, anyway. 

It was getting late, the two were sitting in Kiyoomi’s lounge having just finished some crappy, predictable American movie. ' _Watching_ ' might be a generous way to put it; in reality, they had talked the whole way through. The plot had been lost to their playful nudging and inside jokes that hadn't ceased for hours.

They were dozing on opposite ends of the couch; legs tangled together whilst Kiyoomi threw grapes - laughing as they bounced off the blonde’s forehead - Atsumu trying her best to catch them in her mouth. 

("How haven't you caught a _single one_!? You're a professional athlete!"

"Well I'm so sorry, Omi! I didn't realise ya had to _catch_ the ball in volleyball, I must've been playin' it wrong this whole time."

"You moron, you know what I meant! Your reflexes are _shocking_."

Now _that_ made Atsumu gasp, hand clutched to her heart in mock offence.

"Bastard! Ya just wish you were as quick as me! C'mon, throw me another!"

" _Fine_."

There was no chance in hell Atsumu ever could've caught the absolute bullet that flew from Kiyoomi's hand on her next throw.

Well, that was _her_ excuse as to why she missed another one, anyway.)

There was a lull in atmosphere once Kiyoomi had eaten the final grape from the box, a companionable silence hanging over them as the credits continued rolling in the background.

“We’re dating, aren’t we?”

Kiyoomi asked, head resting on the arm of the sofa at her back. The question was simple, the answer seemingly assured by numerous factors:

The casual touch they always seemed to be basking in, the lingering gazes and moments of quiet they shared almost daily, the clothes they shared, the twin bed they slept in with their arms wrapped around one another.

The way they were, by definition, already in a relationship. Whether they had spoken about it or not.

Yet, Atsumu froze all the same. 

“‘Tsumu? Did you hear what I said?”

“... Yeah.”

Kiyoomi just cocked her head, inquisitive eyes burning into the side of Atsumu’s head - the latter had her gaze trained on a stray grape that had landed on the floor a few feet away, not daring to look up.

“If I’ve been reading things wrong, I’m really sorry-”

“No!” Atsumu shouted, barely registering the words as they pushed past her lips, cringing at her lack of volume control. “No! You haven’t! Not at all, I just- Ya caught me off guard, that’s all.”

“Is… that a yes? Are we dating?”

“I mean, if you want to?”

“It’s fine if you don't like me that way, Atsumu, you don’t have to say yes-”

“I want to! I really really do!” Atsumu jumped slightly in her seat, panicked eyes finally lifting to meet the other woman. “I- Just- Do _you_?”

“What?” Kiyoomi’s face scrunched up in part confusion, part exasperation.

“Do ya want to date me?”

“Yes? I thought I made that very obvious.”

“Why?”

“Because I like you?”

“ _Why?_ ”

“‘Tsumu, I swear, if you’re just doing this for some kind of power trip-”

“But you hardly know me!” Atsumu winced at her own words; she hadn’t meant to make it sound as if Kiyoomi was the one in the wrong, here. “I mean- you don't know _all_ of me.” 

_You don’t know how awful I can be._

“Well not _yet_ , dumbass. That’s the point. If we are dating I won't have to hold back too much anymore. Honestly, it’s been exhausting.”

_Huh?_

“Hold ... back? What’dya mean?”

“Hold back on getting to know you. I have a feeling that once I start learning things about you, I'll never want to stop. That would be pretty inconvenient if you were to straight up reject me. I still can’t figure out if you are or not.”

“‘M not! I promise, Omi, I really like ya.” Tension seemed to drain from the dark haired girl’s shoulders at that, slumping even lower in her seat. “I just don’t think you’re gonna like what you find when ya _do_ start learning things about me” 

Atsumu mumbled that last part, eyes shying away once again. It was silent for a moment, before:

“ _Seriously_?” Kiyoomi obliterated the stifling atmosphere with a low chuckle, shaking her head and pushing herself out of the depths of her seat. Before Atsumu could process what was happening, the dark haired girl was crawling across the chair; making herself at home in the other girl’s personal space.

The line that had sat between them for so long had finally been crossed; there was no turning back now. 

“You’re not _that_ mysterious, Atsumu.”

The blonde blushed deeply, taking in the woman now straddling her stretched out legs, having effectively trapped her against the arm of the sofa. Not that Atsumu minded, really.

She didn’t even get the chance to fight her corner before Kiyoomi continued talking.

“You might’ve fooled the idiots on our team that you’re some caring, selfless sucker who only cares about other people’s needs, but you can’t fool _me_ . Don’t forget that I’ve known you longer than all of them. I remember the bratty comments you made to our teammates at the Japan youth training camp, bad mouthing me to my own cousin - _no, you can’t deny that! Komori literally told me!_ \- and screaming at your sister over the phone in the communal bathroom.” Kiyoomi was giggling now, and Atsumu had half the heart to check if she was delirious with a temperature or something. “You’re downright insufferable sometimes, and you know what? I don’t even care. I’ve been standing beside you this whole time anyways, if I wasn't ready to face worse then do you seriously think I’d still be here?”

The conviction in her words had Atsumu shaking her head mechanically in response to the last part. 

“Exactly. Plus, it’s not like you're some... _criminal_ or something.” Kiyoomi placed her hand on Atsumu’s jaw, head tilting ever so slightly as she relaxed further. Her weight on Atsumu’s legs were a comforting reminder that it was really happening. “The fact you even worry about this kind of stuff proves that. Besides, I’m not the most approachable person either, am I? We can be impossible and irritating together. I wouldn’t change a thing about you, not your temper _or_ your bratiness.”

Atsumu processed that, heart frozen in her chest as she searched for any signs of dishonesty in the woman nestled on top of her. Kiyoomi had sobered up, face serious as she scratched her hands through cropped, blonde hair. 

“You can let yourself go, Atsumu.” She spoke quietly now, the sincerity in her gaze almost suffocating. “Just give me a little bit more of you, and I’ll do the same. I’ll fall in love with you, if you’ll let me.”

Kiyoomi was full of surprises. Or, perhaps, Atsumu was just yet to know her, too.

That fact no longer felt so daunting. Opening up might not be that terrifying, after all. Especially not with someone who could already see straight through her.

“Okay. As long as you’re sure you’ll have me.”

Kiyoomi just smirked, pulling her in. Against her lips, she mumbled:

“Always.”

Miya Atsumu was no stranger to heartbreak. 

But, dating Sakusa Kiyoomi, she found herself becoming fast friends with a pure kind of love. One built on shared lines and sentimentality.

  
━━━━━━♡♡♡━━━━━━

**Author's Note:**

> come hang out with me on twitter @cowgirlhabit ^_^


End file.
